For quite a while now I haven't enjoyed sex    
I am married now but I always noticed that the first few times I had sex were the best, I enjoyed them and sometimes I would orgasm. Now I find it slightly boring a bit of a chore and sometimes uncomfortable. We don't make love very often and if i'm honest if I wasn't scared of hurting my husband I might just give up altogether.  
The problem is though that I am starting to think about having children and for that obviously we must make love regularly. But I have all mixed feelings about whether it is a problem I have physically or emotionally. It has happened in nearly every relationship I have had. I just dont enjoy it.
Is this quite a common thing for ladies? I feel like I should have found a way to 'enjoy' myself by now  

Well I never have a problem having an orgasm but I do have a friend of mine who has only ever had one of two with her boyfriend of 6 years!   I feel that maybe you are just like my boyfriend in your relationship. He doesn't want sex very often either, only once or twice a week now. When we first were together it was every day.
Maybe you only like 'honeymoon phase' sex
 
J-Lo

only once or twice a week?! seriously? Now I feel worse. I'm more like your friend
I do really enjoy sex to begin with but the thrill really quickly wears off and becomes a chore. When I say I enjoy the sex to begin with it's more the lust of it all.
 
Have you always enjoyed sex that much, or did it just depend on who you were with?

I just read this very interesting article. Its good to know i'm not the only woman who stuggles with this!!
 
http://sexuality.doctissimo.com/pl [...] asure.html
 

I dont think there's a single girl out there who would say honestly that she's been satisfied 100% of the time? or maybe i'm wrong!  
 
You shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to reach orgasm every time, its the process which should be fun too. I went through a phase of having no sex with my partner. At our low we just made love once or twice a month for about 6 months...but sometimes it takes a bit of effort and you can get things back on track again!!
 
Kate

That is an interesting article! I do feel sorry for you because its so easy for me to enjoy sex, which is why I like to do so regularly I guess    Whats the main problem for you,does it hurt or do you get bored or you just dont feel connected to your partner anymore?

Please don't think me vulgar, but have you tried masturbation to please yourself and have you come like that? I have been in my first sexual relationship since the last seven months and before that, never slept with a man. Seeing as I am in my early thirties, I somehow came across masturbation in my early twenties, in a Cosmo edition I think. And I sort of got over my disgust and gave it a try. Over the years, with no contact with a man, I've learnt how to pleasure myself and I now apply what I learnt about myself to our sex. I was still a virgin when I met my guy, but I already knew about orgasm and how it works for me.  
 
I hope I haven't offended you, but sometimes it helps to know what turns you on so that you can guide your husband to the right places at the right time. They get so excited during sex and their own orgasam, they can forget about us and then we miss out.  

Hi, thanks for your replies. Yes, I know how I can orgasm and it normally takes a long time and its not always easy to achieve, alone even! I would be prepared to make an effort but we've got into this horrible spiral where because I haven't been enjoying it he has given up trying (which I tell him is ok, because i want to get it over with) so now its all about him. There's no foreplay and I know no matter what I do to myself there wont be the time needId to orgasm.  
 
Maybe still after all this time together i'm not properly letting go or relaxing. I don't know, it just doesn't seem to work too well down there and I feel a bit demoralised.
 
Kate, how did you come out of a low-sex phase? Im open to suggestions!
 

Well we talked about things a lot. We then tried to spice things up a little, in subtle ways im not talking about suddenly using props or trying to go for it every night. But we started having 'date nights'. We didn't necessarily go anywhere but we had to sit and talk to eachother, make time for one another. It was part of a process which helped us reconnect. Then we stopped sex as a rule for 4 weeks. Although we pretty much weren't having sex anyway the fact that it was forbidden made it more tempting. Then eventually with these small changes we remembered that we could actually have a lot of fun in the bedroom and we both began to make more of an effort to make sure it was fun - for us both there are many things like this you could try, massages are a good one. I always get quite turned on if i am having my back rubbed - just make sure you ask him for a massage before he gets too tired!
 
Kate

haha! Thanks so much. Very good tips, I like the idea of date nights. I think so much of it just comes down to reconnecting, we live such busy lives!  
 
I also love the idea of massages too

Yeah feeling connected is all about communication and making time to talk and listen to one another. Im beginning to realise how much of a problem it can be too! It's good to talk  
 
J-Lo

Communication but also massage!
This has really helped me - I feel very relaxed and in the mood if I give my husband a massage. It takes a bit of energy to feel motivated but I always say to him now 'if we go to bed early, i'll give you a massage' and even if he's watching his favourite TV show he knows what the end result might be, so it's incentive enough.
Im so happy to haev found something that gets me in the zone.
Next I just have to work on him wanting to give me a massage once in a while!!

Hmmm...maybe I should try this on my boyfriend more often to get him in the mood!!
 
J-lo

Me and my boyfriend take it in turns to give each other massages. It only happens once a month but it is soooo nice, and really shows your affection for someone  

Why do women become so much less interested in sex as a relationship goes on?  
For me, once the honeymoon period was over (after 1 year I guess) I wasn't as fussed about having a sexual relationship! I feel sorry for guys. Women just can't help it
 
Katie

Hi Katie! I think its a natural thing. Men are just designed to want sex to have as many kids as possible and 'spread the seed' haha!
I sympathis with you in this thread as I am the same. I've never found sex that enjoyable. Its the build up to it I like and I prefer intimacy like kissing, cuddles and back rubs the most!
 
Katy
 

Massages can be very very fun! use lots of oil!
 
Kate

Yeah I know Katy, it was really just at the beginning that I really enjoyed it. Our relationship was never really based on passion and now there's even less!!!! it upsets me sometimes as we are engaged and I can't help but think 'is this as good as it gets'.
 
Honeymoon over before it even happened!