Hello
 
I am a recently widowed husband.
 
My beautiful wife died a year ago.  
I am not asking for sympathy, it is more the fact that I have two very demanding teenagers and I don't know how to handle them.  Naturally they are missing their mother, and it was her who dealt with any daily issues, especially as they are both girls, but I am not used to this and I really don't know how to proceed!  They are 15 and 17!  I am worried they will lose their respect for me if I cannot be there enough for them.
Any advice please?
Thank you
 

Hi John,
 
I know your not looking for sympathy but I can't help but feel sad for you in this tricky situation. I have 2 teenagers and my girl can be very difficult at times. I think as teenagers they can give their parents a lot more grief than boys! Certainly mine seems to!
 
You can only do your best though, i'm sure you are actually being quite tough on yourself. Im sure you're doing a great job
 
Did the girls have any councelling? Do you feel that they are still grieveing?
 

What a sensitive dad you are. Already that shows that you are caring and all will be well. It is hard to build an intimate relationship with your 2 daughters when it was their mother who had that role before.
 
Do you perhaps have another female relative or friend who they are close to, that could kind of act as a decoder for you and confidante for them? I was never close to my mum for lots of reasons, but I had an aunt who I could really talk to as well as my bestfriend's mum. Both these women were invaluable to me during my teen years - and it is important for young women to have relationships with other women, like mentors.
 
Keep your chin up, you are doing a great job and I am sure that your girls are old enough to understand your pain too. Stay strong.

Thank you ladies.  Your replies give me a lot of comfort already.
 
I know the girls are still grieving, and they know I am there to talk to if they need to, but it is just not the case...I have offered counselling but they are refusing at the moment so let's see how they feel in another six months maybe
In fact they do have an aunt, the sister of my late wife, but she lives far away.  However, I know she is there for them if they need her.  I will try to make sure that they have a constant communication depsite the distance.
They have a lot of girlfriends at school too, so I am sure they have some good trusting relationships.  
I will continue to look after them as best as possible and build upon our relationship and as they come into their own hopfeully the demans will ease....  You're right Betty Green, I am probably being a bit tough on myself, we always want to do the best for our children!

We do indeed John,
 
So just wait and see how things go. Indeed in another 6 months things may have changed significantly and your girls may seek advice and conselling of their own free will.
 
Good luck and best wishes. Im sure you will do a great job at guiding them. It sounds like you have good support too.

Happy New year!
 
All is well - we had a lovely new year, laughter and tears too sharing precious moments and stories from the past - it has brought us closer together.
 
The girls got great results at school and the future is bright, so thank you for everyone's support.

You sound like such a nice dad. Wish you were mine. I've got a mum and a dad but they never really talk to me, never help me when I am down. Your girls are lucky and I can feel so much love in your family. Sorry about your wife, must be so tough for you, but you are all together and will make it through.

You are very sweet and I am sorry to hear about your parents lack of communication and support towards you.  Why don't you approcah them and tell them how you feel?  I am sure they will make more effort once you express yourself.